Blog Index
#MeToo – Starting the Conversation
From the rape of Dina to King David’s seduction of Batsheva, the Bible is filled with stories of sexual assault and harassment. But one of the first recorded instances of a woman standing up to those who would take advantage of her is in the story of Purim. In the very first chapter of the […]
Celebrating Hanukkah
BY RABBI DON WEBER Note from Rabbi Weber: as I thought about our upcoming celebration of Hanukkah, I remembered something I wrote in 1990. Its message is still important, and I hope it adds meaning to your holiday… and your Jewish journey.
“GHOST STORIES”
By Rabbi Donald Weber I’ve always been puzzled by Halloween. For a society which is so terrified of anything having to do with death, it’s weird to see so many people planting fake gravestones and hanging human skeletons in their yards. But in the spirit of the holiday I want to share three ghost stories […]
“SACRED TEXTING,” INTIMATE RESPONSES
By Rabbi Weber Once in a while something special – something holy – happens when you’re least expecting it. When we began “Sacred Texting,” an alternative experience for Yom Kippur afternoon, we never imagined how powerful it would become. Each year, with a guarantee of anonymity, we ask those present to share honest self-evaluation: […]
6 Days That Changed Your Life
by Rabbi Don Weber SIX DAYS THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE FROM RABBI WEBER If you are Jewish or are related to someone Jewish, your life changed 50 years ago this month. Even if you hadn’t been born yet, the events of June 1967 impacted your life. That was when the whole world started to look […]
Six Days That Changed Your Life
by Rabbi Don Weber SIX DAYS THAT CHANGED YOUR LIFE FROM RABBI WEBER If you are Jewish or are related to someone Jewish, your life changed 50 years ago this month. Even if you hadn’t been born yet, the events of June 1967 impacted your life. That was when the whole world started to look […]
Spiritual Work
by Rabbi Weber SPIRITUAL WORK “Spiritual work” is a strange phrase. What kind of “work” is it that doesn’t result in a finished product, or even a paycheck? Work which no one can see you doing? Work which doesn’t even have a concrete goal? “Spiritual work” is the purpose of the High Holidays, of which […]
Time Well Spent
Rabbi Weber FROM RABBI WEBER In June’s Newsletter, I suggested we all use this summer to “get lost” – to find our way to parts of New Jersey that aren’t on the way to anywhere, and to enjoy the adventure. This month I want to suggest that we reconnect to parts of our past that […]
Get Lost
From Rabbi Weber Get lost. I mean it. This summer, get lost. Remember driving somewhere before the invention of GPS navigation? Before MapQuest? People would give directions over the phone, we’d dutifully copy them down (usually omitting just one key item), and we’d set off on our journey. Somewhere around Cape May, we’d pull over […]
You Can Do This
FROM RABBI WEBER You. Can. Do. This. When we hear that there are 613 mitzvot in the Torah, there is a temptation to give up and say, “Well, I’ll just try to be a good person. That’s all Judaism really wants.” But it’s not. Yes, we need more good people in the world. We desperately […]
Happy Purim!!???
This is my Purim article. I’m stating this at the outset because it is about the Veterans’ Administration, and it would be funny – hilarious, actually – if it weren’t true. But as a writer once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.” The following story makes no sense, but […]
Best Hanukkah Gift – EVER
“Shopping” is not one of the skills listed on my resume. But I would like to give you a Hanukkah gift idea which will not only be one of the best presents you ever give to someone you love, but will be one which is remembered long, long after every other gift is forgotten.
Rabbi, Do You Support the Iran Agreement?
Over recent weeks, the Iran agreement has been the number one topic of conversation in Jewish circles. Many people have asked me if I am going to speak about it on the High Holidays, and I told them no, I am not. Here is why.
Is the Battle for Gay Marriage Over? Maybe Not…
Like many of you, I celebrated the Supreme Court’s ruling that same-gender couples are entitled to the benefits of marriage. As a straight man in a heterosexual marriage I don’t feel my relationship has been put at risk by others marrying the person they love, and I’m happy to bid a not-so-fond farewell to DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act which supposedly “protected” my marriage up to this point.
Mishkan HaNefesh, “The Sanctuary of the Soul”
“You changed the prayerbook… again?”
Well, no. And yes. Mishkan Tefilah, our weekday and Shabbat prayerbook, is not changing. But we are replacing On Wings of Awe, our High Holiday prayerbook for the past quarter-century, with Mishkan HaNefesh, “the Sanctuary of the Soul.” The new books have arrived and we are busy affixing bookplates to honor the many people who contributed to bringing this important change to our congregation.
Yerusha – the Inheritance
I want to tell you about the yerusha – the inheritance – I received from my parents. It is precious beyond words, valuable beyond measure… and it didn’t cost a penny. My hope is that I will describe it well enough for you to create the same yerusha for your family, and do it now.
Marlee’s Sermon
Reviving the Dead
From the Torah to contemporary novels, we Jews know that stories have power. They teach better than most other kinds of lessons because they put the message – the mashal – in the context of real people. No great news flash there.
What I didn’t realize about stories is their power to revive the dead.
Let all who are hungry come and eat
One of the most famous lines in the haggadah is,
“Let all who are hungry come and eat.” It’s how we begin our seder – by inviting those who need what we have to share with us.
But this invitation isn’t just about food, and it isn’t just for Passover.
How To Help Israel
I’ve spoken and written a lot about Israel recently. Maybe it’s because I don’t hear many people doing it who aren’t completely critical of every single thing Israel does…
Should We Fear Everyone?
This past summer a pregnant woman was punched in the face while walking along a street in Brooklyn. She was knocked out, but, fortunately, no lasting harm came to her or to her baby. The assailant, a 33-year old man, was quickly apprehended in what seems to be a completely random act of violence.
What We Do
The poet William Blake wrote, “He who would do good to another must do it in Minute Particulars.”
Rabbi Don Weber
“Rabbi, do you believe in the Bible or in science?” After years of our students asking me questions on everything from why people die to what I like about cats, this year nine students asked me this question about science and the Bible. Nine! What’s going on here? Why the sudden interest from our students […]
Rabbi Don Weber
A Letter About Israel Dear Temple Members and Friends, One of the realities of vacation in the 21st century is that no one is ever disconnected from the world anymore. This summer, as Shira and I have taken time away together, we are reminded daily – even hourly – of the situation in Israel. There […]
My Rabbi Died This Week
I have been fortunate – blessed, actually – to have had many rabbis in my life. I don’t just mean someone who is a rabbi, but someone who has been rabi u-mori, my rabbi and my teacher. That’s actually the highest compliment I can give someone, and I count at least a half-dozen people whom I think about that way, including Shira. Each of them has changed my life, helped me to grow and helped me to understand – not just once, but time and time again.
“Kadima” (“Onward”)
In June, 1984, I became the rabbi of Temple Rodeph Torah. At the time we were meeting in the “cafetorium” of the Asher Holmes School in Morganville, Bar and Bat Mitzvah services were held wherever we could find a place, and 66 families made up the entire TRT community. Temple leaders, unable to figure out how to budget for a rabbi’s salary, put out a request for a rabbi to work “two-thirds time.”
At my first interview I shared my suspicion that “two-thirds time” probably meant full-time work at two-thirds pay – unless they thought it would be a good idea for me to work part-time at Pathmark on the side (remember Pathmark?). Sheepishly, they admitted I was right. And I took the offer.
The Son Who Doesn’t Know Enough to Ask
From Rabbi Weber
Here’s a bad, old Jewish joke:
Eleven-year old David comes home from school and says, “Guess what, mom – I got a role in the school play!”
“That’s wonderful!” his mother says. “What part did they give you?
“I’m the Jewish husband,” answers David.
“Young man, you march right back there and tell them that’s no good – you want a speaking part!”
Say NO to Academic Boycott of Israel
NOTE: For the list of colleges and universities that have publically rejected the ASA boycott, click here.
FROM RABBI WEBER
Not everything bad that happens to Jews is anti-Semitic. But some things are.
In December, the American Studies Association called for an academic boycott of Israel, asking universities to cut off relations with Israeli scholars and universities to protest the Palestinian situation.
According to the New York Times:
The American Studies Association has never before called for an academic boycott of any nation’s universities, said Curtis Marez, the group’s president… He did not dispute that many nations, including many of Israel’s neighbors, are generally judged to have human rights records that are worse than Israel’s, or comparable, but he said, “one has to start somewhere.”
Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em
From Rabbi Weber
Once a year, for our anniversary, Shira and I go to Atlantic City. Since our anniversary is in March and our day off is Tuesday, we get a very nice hotel room for almost nothing. We make up for the discount room with a dinner for two in one of the really excellent restaurants which dot the casino hotels.
After dinner, we head to Shira’s favorite: the video poker machines. Big spenders that we are, we go for the quarter-slots. Even there, we set out a specific amount of money we are going to play with. Most often that sum lasts long enough to provide our entertainment for the evening. Once in a while we agree to put in a little more because the money disappeared more quickly than expected. Even more rarely we walk away with enough to cover our dinner. Bottom line, if Atlantic City is depending on us to stay solvent, it’s in deep trouble.
Even More Passion & Joy
From Rabbi Weber
I had a wonderful time this fall, meeting with so many people – members and non-members – who wanted to explore their “passion and joy” in Jewish life. Some of you have started projects at TRT, others are now out working in the community. In every case I was moved by the emotional attachment you have to Jewish life, even if they do not yet know how to turn their passion into joyful action. If you haven’t yet called to talk with me, I hope you will; the invitation is still good!
Thanksgivukkah, Christmas and the Jews
FROM RABBI WEBER
By now you have heard that Hanukkah comes very, VERY early this year – as in, it overlaps with Thanksgiving for the first time. Don’t get used to it; it won’t happen again for over 70,000 years (yes, that number is correct).
As I write this in early October, the first “Thanksgivukkah” web sites are already popping up, so I’ll leave it to the comedians to explore the joy of eating stuffing and latkes on the same day. What I want to talk about is what happens later – when Hanukkah is over.
A Passionate Plea for Gun Control
Note from Rabbi Weber: Dana Starfield (Chodos), who grew up at Temple Rodeph Torah, was at the security checkpoint in the same terminal at LAX when the gunman killed the TSA agent and injured others. Her thoughts are worth reading and taking to heart.
GUARDIANS OF THE BOOM
Dana Starfield, November 2013
It was 9am on Friday and I’d just reached the TSA checkpoint at the top of the escalator when I congratulated myself for being on time for the first time in my life. For the first time I had time to look around, admire the art installation in the terminal. Was it new? Why hadn’t I noticed it before? Scores of sculpted papers gracefully suspended in air appeared to be a flock of doves ushering travelers off, inviting us to join them in flight.
Going to Israel? Some things to be afraid of
From Rabbi Weber
You were in ISRAEL this summer? Weren’t you scared?
On the last day of our recent Rodeph Torah/Jewish Federation trip to Israel, I told our group that they would be asked this question again and again when they returned home. To prepare them for the inevitable, I asked everyone to tell me what they were scared about during our 11-day journey through the Galilee, the Golan Heights, Tel Aviv, the Negev, the Dead Sea, and of course, Jerusalem. Here are their responses:
- I was scared I would run out of money on our shopping trips.
- I was scared I would explode from over-eating.
- I was scared my wife would insist on buying a condo here before we left.
- I was scared I would be the first person not to float in the Dead Sea.
- I was scared our luggage would never arrive (long story, but it did – eventually).
- I was scared I wouldn’t survive the taxi ride in Jerusalem.
- I was scared the trip would end.
Hobby Lobby and the Jews
Freedom is messy. From the American Nazi Party marching in Skokie, Illinois, to the myriad web sites promoting hatred of [insert the name of any religious, racial or political group here], freedom is something we all cherish… until we are on the receiving end of someone else’s freedom.
Witness the flurry of discussion in and around Marlboro, where it was discovered that the newly-opened Hobby Lobby does not, out of principle, stock items relating to Jewish holidays or Judaism in general. Various callers to the store management and to the company’s headquarters have reported responses indicating that the company is a Christian-owned company, and “these are our values.”
Praying At The Wall
JERUSALEM, August 7, 2013 – Elul 1, 5773
I prayed at the Kotel (the Western Wall) today. That may not seem like a big thing for someone who has spent over a year of his life in Jerusalem, but it was actually the first time I’ve ever prayed at the Wall.
I’ve been to the Wall many times. I appreciate its history, and I understand the sacred connection to the Temple which once stood on that spot. But I could never pray there, no matter how hard I tried.
We Are Passion & Joy
If you were part of our community last Yom Kippur, you witnessed something truly amazing: an entire congregation filled with the spirit of God.
On Yom Kippur morning I asked everyone to count our blessings, and to take the gratitude we feel and turn it into food for the hungry. I asked you to go out – on Yom Kippur Day! – and buy food for our food drive, even if you had already brought some. I asked you to buy lots of food; what I actually said was, “go buy too much food,” and bring it back before the day ends.
Your Opinion Matters
When the President of the UCLA Health System began his job, his hospital had an 85% approval rating – the highest of any comparable hospital. But his take on that number was that 15% of UCLA patients had a bad experience, and he took no comfort in knowing that other hospitals fared worse. UCLA was, in his words, “the cream of the crap.”
Dr. Feinberg set out to fix the problem, and he did it by going into every one of hundreds of hospital rooms and asking two questions:
– On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your entire experience in this hospital, and why?
– Would you recommend this hospital to your family and friends? Why or why not?
Reform: Past, Present and Future
What’s the difference between “Reformed” and “Reform”? It’s the difference between past and present – and future.
The Protestant Reformation happened in the 1500’s, when Christians turned away from the Catholic Church to follow Martin Luther and John Calvin and founded “Reformed” churches. For them, “reform” happened once, five hundred years ago.
Reform Judaism, on the other hand, began in the early 1800’s and has never stopped changing. Change happened yesterday, it happens today and without a doubt it will happen tomorrow. That’s not always easy to accept, but that is what it means to be Reform Jews.
The Truth Behind “Boycott, Divest, Sanction Israel”
I had a professor who would shout “Anti-Semite!” at the elevator if the doors closed before he got on. This was at our rabbinic school, no less. His purpose was to remind us that not everything that happens is because we’re Jewish; some things just happen.
Because of that lesson, I’ve always been very cautious about charging someone with anti-Semitism. Sometimes people just have different ideas than I do, or than Jews do, and we have to respect those differences of opinion. But I believe the current BDS Movement (Boycott, Divest, and Sanction) against Israel has genuine anti-Jewish sentiment at its foundation.
Passover – Seriously
One morning when Pharaoh awoke in his bed
There were frogs on his bed, and frogs on his head.
Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes –
Frogs here, frogs there, frogs were jumping everywhere.
We’ve come a long way from the Passover seders of old, when grandpa droned on for three hours in Hebrew, pausing only to say “Sha!” to any child who dared utter a peep. From child-friendly haggadahs to “bags o’ plagues” to liven up the story, we have lots of ways to keep our youngsters involved and connected to the seder.
A Judaic Perspective on Gun Control
When 16 people died this year from meningitis caused by unsanitary conditions at a drug manufacturer, federal agents swooped in to conduct an investigation and to identify the source of the contamination.
In 2009, a private plane collided with a helicopter over the Hudson River. Nine people died. Immediately afterward, the federal government revised flight regulations over all of New York City in response.
The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced the recall of a quarter-million baby cribs this year, after one child died after being trapped in a Pea Pod Travel Crib.
The National Highway and Traffic Safety Administration issues mandatory recalls on cars when problems appear which could cause an accident, even if no accidents have occurred and no one has been hurt.
But when 31,000 Americans are shot to death every year, no one does anything. Nothing. Not a law, not a rule, not anything.
From Rabbi Weber Feb-March 2013
From Rabbi Weber
As we engage in our popular perennial Purim preparations, I share once again in the latest collection of Random Ramblings from a Roving Reform(ed) Rabbi.
- “Words with Enemies” would be a lot more interesting.
- Tom Cruise is considering a role in the sequel to “Top Gun.” Thinking of him landing a fighter jet on any carrier at his age, I suggest the new movie’s theme song should be, “Highway to the Corti-Zone.”
- After 30 years of marriage, Shira has finally decided to take my name. From now on, she’ll be called “Don.”
- I get that Roman numerals seem very dignified, but did anyone think through the “XXX Olympic Games”?
- Driving to Cape Cod, I thought of the limitless amusement that must ensue for children growing up in Mianus, CT.
- And on my ten-thousandth trip down Route 95 to Washington, I came up with a new motto for Delaware: “Delaware – because it’s on the way to where you’re going.”
- Your kids may grow up and move away, but you’ll always have their cell phones on your account.
- I was behind a truck which said “construction vehicle – do not follow.” It was going the way I wanted to go, so I didn’t know what to do.
- I’m so glad the election is over. Now I don’t have to worry about what the color of my tie says about my politics, and I can go back to worrying that Shira will look at me & say, “you wore that with THAT???”
- The Optimum iO remote control is a monument to bad design.
- If you ever want to feel really old, look at the skin on your hands when you’re using an Xlerator hand dryer.
A Letter to the Marlboro Board of Education about Police in our Schools
As I drove around Marlboro today, I saw police cars at every one of our public schools – and television crews from every network as well. I tried to speak with our Superintendent of Schools, but his secretary apologized, saying he was giving interviews to the media all day. So I’m taking to the Internet to share the letter I wrote to the members of the Marlboro Board of Election.
Giving Without Guilt
Many charitable organizations send letters in December, asking us to support their work. From Habitat for Humanity to Save the Whales, they hope the feelings of the season (and the thought of an end-of-the-year tax deduction) will spur us to be extra charitable now. And yes, you’ll receive a letter from Rodeph Torah, too – if we don’t ask, we don’t get!
But I would like to ask a different question: not what will you give?, but what really matters to you?
Hillel, Shammai and American Politics
I believe the greatest danger facing the United States right now isn’t the economy, or health care, or our foreign policy. To me, the biggest threat to our wellbeing is the current idea that those who disagree with us are not just wrong, but un-American. Democrats are Socialists, Republicans are Fascists, gun owners are crazy lunatics, those who support a woman’s right to choose are baby killers, conservatives are heartless and liberals are nannies.
Worse than the name-calling, we’ve now stopped listening to each other. Today it is possible to listen only to news with which we agree, and to hear only commentary which makes us comfortable with the positions we already hold.
Judaism has something to teach us at a time like this, because we Jews are no strangers to disagreement. After all, we’re the ones who claim – with pride – that “two Jews have three opinions.” The Talmud itself is the record of disagreements, not agreements.
The Debate About Sex
Let’s be clear: the debate about abortion is not about abortion; it is about sex. More accurately, it is about the belief of some Christians that sex is at best a necessary evil, at worst a sin, and babies are one of the ways God punishes people for having sex. Which means that not only is abortion against this understanding of God’s will; so is contraception. As Saint Augustine, one of the most influential Christian thinkers of all time, wrote, “Intercourse even with one’s legitimate wife is unlawful and wicked where the conception of offspring is prevented.”
It is not my place to criticize another’s beliefs, or their religion, but when people hide their true agenda it is important to call them on it.
An Invitation to Israel
As Shira and I planned a short trip to Washington, DC this summer, we saw that the new Batman movie was playing at the IMAX theater at the Smithsonian. We reserved tickets for the 10:30 show, recognizing that we would probably be the oldest people in the theater by a couple of decades.
The movie premiered the very next night, and we all know what happened in Aurora, Colorado.
Our tickets were for two days later. We thought about it and decided to go anyway. Afterward, we realized that whatever fear we had, had disappeared the moment the movie started. We had a great time, and we never regretted our decision to go.
A Tribute to My Mother
This month, my mom will, God willing, celebrate her 85th birthday. To mark this occasion, I want to share something she taught me about being a parent. It has helped me as Shira and I sought to raise our children, and perhaps it will give you something to consider as you work with your children, your grandchildren or others.
Thoughts from High Schoolers on God
Every two years the theme for our high school conclave is, “God Talk.” We talk about God – who/what God is, how God communicates with us, and how we communicate with God. In one of the programs the students are asked to write “graffiti” on the walls in response to four questions, and every year I am impressed and moved by their responses. Here are some of their thoughts from this past February.
Prayer is: A way to reflect; Meditation and Peace; An Action; Peaceful; A way to solve problems; A time for asking God to make things different; Between God and us; Unreal; A sense of Security; Awkward; Asking for will power; Begging for renewal of spirit; Forgiving; Trying to find your place in the universe; Finding yourself; Your own; A time of thanks; Finding what is not in your power; Doing something more; A moment out of reality; Everything; A time that helps reflect and understand; Hope; Letting go of me; An offering of one’s soul; One’s truest self; A hope/wish; Awesome.
An Argument for Health Care
When our 10th graders go to the Religious Action Center in Washington, their first program is meeting homeless people from the DC streets. One of the most memorable was a college graduate – well-spoken, funny and blunt about his situation. How times have changed!
“I am homeless because I had the nerve to get sick,” he told us.
A Tribute to My Teacher
When I began 12th grade in Religious School, a new Educator came to my temple. Dr. Dorothy Axelroth was the first female Jewish educator I had ever heard of, and had she known what she was in for, I probably never would have heard of her.
The year was 1970, and the spirit of protest was alive and well not only in the streets and on college campuses, but also in the halls of the Religious School of Temple Sinai of Roslyn Heights, NY. Hardly a week went by when the post-Confirmation students were not in Dr. Axelroth’s office, telling her what a terrible school she ran. (Of course, as 16 and 17 year-olds, we knew everything¬about what was wrong!) We truly made her life miserable that year.
